Meditations of a Son of Ovandu
(Unbridled thoughts)
For me to be good, I must be better than most men she has met and or associates with. I must earn more than her and should have schooled more than her. I must have an imposing personality that makes me irresistible to handle. I must have solutions to almost all the problems and act like I am on top of my game. I have seen that sharing most of my fears and challenges makes me unattractive and uninspiring. Keeping them to myself bring trouble from her again! have wished to share my problems, but this makes me more worthless in her eyes. For she sees me as luggage that is baggage for her. She feels I will hinder her progress. I have sacrificed my thoughts and time....I have resolved not to hurt her, in speech and deeds. Fate has it that my choice of action leads to unpleasant results. Which in turn makes it tough for her. Her circle of influence and her temperament allows her to be more aggressive and reckless in her use of speech. My duty is to balance these....my duty is to endure in a cool manner...never to be a man given to anger. For the love and wisdom of our fore-bearers, one has to be careful not to attract unnecessary friction. In our balancing act, I must safeguard my ego. For my ego is the ME that must be nourished and not allowed to perish. Who is a man with a beaten ego...? Who can be a man with a soiled ego...?
Your anger comes because I am too slow for you...Which yardstick are you using? I do not do what you expect me to do. We have not shared my fears, but in your eyes I am hopeless and useless. I will not confront you right now. For my spirit is agitated. I have been taught by my beloved father to mind the way I feel and the words use. I know that words spoken in anger are weapons of mass destruction.
May the wisdom of my fore-bearers be upon me like a strong umbrella. May it be upon me like the green pasture that fed our ceremonial and ancestral cattle. May the wisdom of those who came before me be like the rays of a rising sun which brings hope upon all the inhabitants of our earth. May wisdom make me graze on humbleness...may wisdom be like the holy fire of my people...may it connect me to my creator. For our sake.
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